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MISLEADING LADIES
by Cynthia Smith
G. P.Putnam's Sons, December 1997
ISBN: 0425161129


Buy in the UK | Buy in Canada

I'd promised someone that I'd read MISLEADING LADIES by Cynthia Smith, and so I did; now, I'm furious with myself for plodding through it, rather than merely donating it to a rummage sale and telling the person who recommended it that "it's pretty good," and getting on with my life.

The MISLEADING LADIES of the title are the ex-wives of an ex-actor who has made a bundle in real estate. The narrator / protagonist, Emma Rhodes, is a "Private Resolver," that is, one who resolves, rather than merely "solves" mysteries. This, she hints, includes a self-bestowed license to do anything necessary to remove whatever -- or whoever -- is bothering her clients. But that's okay, because she's got a freak IQ and is very rich and beautiful and thin. In fact, Emma Rhodes never misses an opportunity to remind us -- again -- that she:

[a] refuses to give her startling beauty a second thought (perhaps because the first thought takes up so much of her time); [b] refuses to consider her IQ a mark of superiority (but she is terribly careful to spell it properly); [c] knows how to use "whom" correctly (although, actually, she doesn't; also, she misspells "chaise longue," ); and,

[d] wears expensive and gorgeous size-six outfits -- two or three a day, sometimes, and each lovingly and exhaustively described.

Now, Emma Rhodes has a lover, a Detective Chief Superintendant at Scotland Yard (who didn't expect that?). He has a name, but it hardly matters. He comes with the standard equipment (abs and buns of steel and a peerless tailor), and is, for some reason, Black.

The DSC ardently admires everything Emma Rhodes is and does. Because of Emma Rhodes's remarkably high IQ, this lover of hers has no need to help her on the case; the only reason I can see for his existence is to service her.

Arriving in London for a clue-hunt, Emma Rhodes calls this guy, who comes to heel bearing a bottle of what Emma's high IQ instantly recognizes as a wine of revered vintage. What follows is a fairly routine sex scene and clue recap (each totally unnecessary to the other), after which -- I am not making this up -- she retails the recipe for the dinner she has served him, couched in the language of a cookbook: "alternately layer potatoes, fish and onions in a two-quart casserole, salted and peppered to taste . . . and bake for forty-five minutes in a 350 degree oven . . . " [pp. 32-33, in case you want to check this out].

Presumably this fascinates DCS Caleb Franklin, because as soon as Emma Rhodes finishes giving him the recipe, he instantly inquires into the concoction of the sauce that goes over it. He does, really! And she details that, too.

Emma Rhodes also has a suitor (as opposed to her lover), a titled aristocrat, whose predictaly ancient and honourable (and DON'T forget the "u") family all (including the lordship himself) are avid to have him marry her. Again, quite gratuitously, we are treated to the spectacle of having an important singer in his choral group not show up, so that Emma can display her classical operatic vocal training and (good heavens! So providential!) her intimate knowledge of the oratorio that is on the programme for that very evening.

MISLEADING LADIES is a very awful book. The sex and the cooking, especially, are so gratuitous that they seem to have been written for another part of the book, and then moved to their present location and festooned with the recipe later, after an editor or agent or somebody told the author that recipes in mystery books are all the rage nowadays.

Don't spend money on it.

Editor's Note: Schuyler Kaufman is the author of DEAR MOUSE ...A TALE OF LOVE, MURDER AND MOVIE-MAKING IN THE CAROLINA MOUNTAINS which was reviewed on these pages.

Reviewed by Schuyler Kaufman, May 2002

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Contact: Yvonne Klein (ymk@reviewingtheevidence.com)


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